First Pages of Best-Selling Novels: Fire Touched

This week’s first page falls under the genres of urban fantasy, action-adventure, and romance. Author Patricia Briggs has many fantasy novels published, and this one—Fire Touched—is the ninth installment in her Mercy Thompson series.

The ever popular shapeshifters, werewolves, and fairies populate her stories. But her success with this series seems to lie with her strong female protagonist, who herself is a “coyote shapeshifter.” And the series goes deep into interpersonal relationships and in particular the romance between Mercy and Adam, who is her werewolf mate.

While the cover design, to me, lends a bit of crass with the emphasis on showing flesh (and making it clear this isn’t for young readers) and possibly hinting at erotica elements, I don’t get the impression this series is smutty.

But that’s part of the chance an author takes with a traditional publisher. Few authors have control over the cover designs of their novels, and many authors have cringed upon seeing the covers chosen for their books.

But I’m veering off topic here. Let’s take a look at Briggs’s first page and then go through my first-page checklist to see why this works well for this genre.

1

I sat up in bed, a feeling of urgency gripping my stomach in iron claws. Body stiff with tension, I listened for whatever had awakened me, but the early-summer night was free of unusual noises.

A warm arm wrapped itself around my hips.

“Mercy?” Adam’s voice was rough with sleep. Whatever had awakened me hadn’t bothered my husband. If there were something wrong, his voice would have been crisp and his muscles stiff.

“I heard something,” I told Adam, though I wasn’t certain it was true. It felt like I’d heard something, but I’d been asleep, and now I couldn’t remember what had startled me.

He let me go and rolled off the bed and onto his feet. Like me, he listened to the night. I felt him stretch his awareness through the pack, though I couldn’t follow what he learned. My link to the Columbia Basin werewolves was through simple membership, but Adam was the Alpha.

“No one else in the house is disturbed,” he said, turning his head to look at me. “I didn’t sense anything. What did you hear?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. Something bad.” I closed my fist on the walking stick that lay against me. The action drew Adam’s eyes to my hands. He frowned, then crouched beside the bed and gently pulled the walking stick away.

“Did you bring this into bed last night?” he asked.

I flexed my fingers, frowning with annoyance at the walking stick. Until he’d drawn my attention to it, I hadn’t even realized that it had, once again, shown up where it shouldn’t be. It was a fae artifact—a minor fae artifact, I’d been told.

Why This Works

So, let’s go through the checklist:

Opening Hook: Not much of one, but Mercy wakes up, disturbed by something.

Introduction of main character in first few lines: Yes, we see Mercy right away, and we’re in her POV.

Starting the story in the middle of something that’s happened (or happening): We assume something’s happened because of her waking suddenly.

A nod to setting; avoid excessive exposition or narrative: We guess she’s in her bedroom because of the mention of the bed. But there isn’t any setting described.

A catalyst, inciting incident, or complication introduced for your character: All that’s hinted is a sense of something that startled her awake, and maybe she heard something.

A hint at character’s immediate intentions: She wants to know if something is wrong somewhere.

A hint at character’s hidden need, desire, goal, dream, fear: Nothing really. Other than her immediate need for answers.

Unique voice/writing style: The writing style is simple and straightforward.

Setting the tone for the book: The scene gets right into Mercy’s head and her character, implying a personal tone.

A glimpse at character’s personal history, personality—shed light on motivation: We learn a little about her: she’s married to Adam; he’s the Alpha of the werewolf pack and she’s a kind of honorary member. We don’t really learn much about her here.

Hint of character’s initial plot goal: No.

A course of action/decision implied. Introduction of high stakes/dramatic tension: Some tension arises at the mention of something awry. The introduction of the walking stick raises curiosity, though it’s not clear yet whether this artifact is a source of danger or trouble. So there isn’t much tension in this opening.

Good pacing; jump right into present action: Yes, the story takes off in action without getting bogged down with narrative or explanation.

• One characteristic to reveal that makes your character heroic and vulnerable: There isn’t much here. No doubt previous installments showed much of her character and most readers already know and like Mercy. But for the first-time reader, Mercy seems to be a nice person, happy in marriage to Adam, concerned about others.
• One element of mystery, something hinted at that raises curiosity: The walking stick being a fae artifact and in her possession raises curiosity.
• One element out of the ordinary, unusual, that makes the book different/stand out: The fact that she and Adam are shapeshifters, connected with a pack of werewolves.
• Concise, catchy dialogue (if in the first scene) that is not boring or predictable: Pretty ordinary dialogue.
• A hint at theme: Protection of the pack, possibly. Loyalty, courage, and safety might come into play in the story, but the first page doesn’t give any real indication of possible themes.

What Could Have Been Better

I’d probably not read further in this novel. I’ve mentioned before that authors with a huge following for a series don’t seem to try all that hard to write a killer first page. Whether that’s due to being under deadline, editorial changes beyond their control (from the publisher’s editorial staff), or a kind of “sitting on my laurels” attitude that comes with success, I can’t say.

But I see this a lot with novels later in a series by successful authors.

Or maybe it’s just me. I like to have a whole lot more interesting things going on in those opening pages. And as I’ve said many times in these looks at first pages: an unknown author is going to have to hit it out of the ballpark to get an agent’s attention and a publishing contract. Or if self-publishing, in order to amass a lot of faithful readers.

So while this story goes right into action (showing, not telling), it’s action that is mostly boring.

I cringe when I start a novel (or just about any scene in a novel) in which a character is waking up. We saw this in our earlier look at The Adventuress, which also showed the novel opening with the protagonist waking suddenly in bed.

The conversation Mercy has with Adam, while appropriate, is also boring. “I heard something.” Okay, we already know that. The author then has the character think “I’d been asleep, and now I couldn’t remember what had startled me.” We already know that too.

We then get from Adam: “I didn’t sense anything. What did you hear?”

And then: “I shook my head. ‘I don’t know. Something bad.’”

Starting a first page with characters sitting around talking about something they may or may not have heard, that may be a problem or not, isn’t all that compelling. Adam “checks in” with his pack and everyone (in the house) seems to be asleep.

I found that a little interesting—that maybe their house is full of werewolves, which got me wondering why they’re all living in a house—maybe all are shapeshifters too, and so they appear as humans living together. Which got me wondering how many and how big a house it might be and what they tell people about why they’re all living together.

In other words, I got distracted, and my thoughts wandered off into more interesting scenarios.

Even the introduction of the walking stick didn’t raise much curiosity in me. Mercy somehow brought it into bed with her. Okay, but what does that portend? There isn’t any hint here of danger or real mystery. It’s a fae artifact, but what does that really tell me? Nothing much.

For me, these two things—the bump in the night and the artifact—don’t generate enough tension and mystery to make me want to turn pages. I’d love to feel much more danger, heightened stakes. Is there some opposition out there to merit such alertness and worry about danger? Then let me know enough about that to feel worry. Better yet, let me see that opposition or danger.

I’d much rather see a different opening scene for this novel, something more intriguing. The plot is centered on a human boy that is stolen by the fae and whom Mercy and Adam and their pack choose to protect. Since there is ongoing tension escalating between the fae and humans, I’d like to see that in some way in the opening scene, and see where Mercy fits into all this.

In other words, please get me out of the bedroom and into the larger world of the story. With fantasy, so much world building is needed at the start of the story. By getting characters out in their world, so readers can see and experience it, writers will immerse those readers quicker.

What are your thoughts on this first page? What do you like to see in the opening pages of fantasy novels that help you experience the world?

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